I have learned that with breastfeeding that my breasts are like a carnival game. Mostly they like to imitate the one where you take the gun and shoot water in the clown’s mouth and watch the balloon blow up. My breasts squirt the “boob juice” or “momma’s milk” into a ravenous baby’s mouth trying to fill up his never ending hungry belly. At the end of the carnival game you get a prize, usually some sucky mirror with a picture of a polar bear hugging a kitten. My prize at the end is a happy baby that has a poop explosion on my side of the bed.
And can I add that I abhor those mirrors. The carnis know they are sticking you with a what can only be called one sure fire shitastic prize. I have a feeling that they are all laughing in their trailers at night at the sea dumb asses who just spent $10 bucks trying to win it for their kid. Anyway, I digress because my breasts & their uncanny carnival game ability are what is the topic not my loathing of carnival prizes.
Most mornings I manage to make into the baby’s mouth and collect my own shitastic prize at the end (did I mention he LOVES to have POOP EXPLODE MY SIDE OF THE BED??? why not his Dad’s side? Come on, fair is fair). However, this morning he pulled off suddenly AND I MISSED, A BIG MISS. Instead milk shot across the bed, over the side, and when I reach to grab the burp cloth that I had placed to my other side I proceeded to spray my innocent babe in the face and practically the entire bed. I was like a geyser. Old Faithful erupted in my bed and from my breast, a feat not for the faint of heart.
After putting the cover on the erupting boob. I grabbed another burp cloth to wipe my son’s face off. And then it happened…My son looked at me with a huge smile and started to laugh at me. Yes, at 5 months old he is already smart enough to know that breasts shooting milk across the room equals comic genius. His father would be so proud.
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LOL this had me cracking up. Brings back memories from 9 years ago…. Has it really been that long???
That is hilarious! At least he’s got a good sense of humor…
so funny!!! Dont worry, I’m not laughing at you – just w/ you – I was there in a very similar situation a few days ago!!! I had absolutely no control over myself as I soaked my baby girl’s face and our couch!
Jealous of the amount of milk you must produce to get that kind of an erruption. Yup, can you tell I’m in breastfeeding heck?
That’ s so funny! I admire you for breastfeeding–it doesn’t sound easy!
Hello there! First time here and oh SNAP. I use to constantly blind my son when he would suddenly pull off the boob (usually to look to see what Daddy was doing) and get a nose and face full of boob milk. That stuff comes out with force! And it use to always frustrate me that I couldn’t “hold it in”.
Oh my!! So young. He is going to be a charmer when he gets older. Cute story
ROFLOL!!!!!! Of yeah, remember those days well!! Shot one of the cats one time!!
Adventures in breastfeeding!
oh the joys of breastfeeding…the worst was taking a shower and trying to cover the leaks before i drenched myself in breastmilk!!
Oh those were the days, with my daughter, my first, I was constantly changing our sheets since she was a comfort nurser, not to mention even with breast pads I ruined a brand new suede jacket the first time I wore it, that’s right, in the drug store check-out line a baby started crying (not even mine) and I flowed two big wet spots ruining my new jacket.
Been there done that! Too funny.
poor you . . . I never squirted, although I have heard this so many times. Mine never did!
Oh my goodness! This made me laugh so hard. I never made enough milk to have that kind of fun!
LOL Because that’s comic gold!
That is hilarious! Glad I found you!!
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