Dude Where’s My Teleprompter? Pulling a Kanye And Other VMA Highlights

Like for reals MTV just lacks cool­ness for me, over the years it went from being cut­ting edge to cor­po­rate bor­ing.  And lack­ing pretty much ANY actual music video. I didn’t even know peo­ple still made music videos since I have seen so few on MTV.  Unless I want to read tweets run­ning on the bot­tom some very bad videos.  Or there is the great True Life spe­cials about teens who are addicts, shop exces­sively, or sleep around all over town, then there are the end­less series on preg­nant teens, and finally The Hills. AND I’m NOT even sure those are dif­fer­ent shows.

So I have no idea WHY I caved and watched the VMAs on MTV last night. Per­haps it was to tor­ture myself with bad singing, bad clothes, and bad speeches. But I was enter­tained for the first time in a while (like at least a decade) by MTV.

Here are some of my highlights…

Madonna gave MOST awk­ward speech EVER last night as open­ing trib­ute to Michael Jackson. 

I won­dered why she never brought her kids over for a sleep­over when he was still alive if she loved him so much?  Oh wait…maybe that whole sleep­ing in beds with young boys thing he did was an issue for her?   She also looked like she’s a new mem­ber of some vam­pire series, about aging woman try­ing to main­tain hip & beau­ti­ful off the blood of the young.  I’m think­ing I smell a new book series about aging pop star vam­pires (don’t dare steal that idea either, cause I’ll cut you).

You had Kanye West. 

Doing what he does best only doing it drunk, he walked into the VMAs swig­ging straight from a 5th.  He also decided to go off the teleprompter and inter­rupt Tay­lor Swift’s accep­tance speech for win­ning a VMA.  I’m not sure what he was think­ing, I mean I’m pretty sure Tay­lor doesn’t even hate black peo­ple (any­one remem­ber his shout out to Bush dur­ing fundrais­ing for Hur­ri­cane Kat­rina?) and Kanye needs to know how to read a teleprompter. 

Besides Tay­lor looks like cot­ton candy rolled into star­dust with baby uni­corns pranc­ing around–too adorable for words. Did he think he’d win against her adorableness?

Dude, Where’s My Teleprompter?

I’m guess­ing Kanye West needs to do some behav­ioral mod­i­fi­ca­tion or med­ica­tion or just NOT drink heav­ily and act like an arse to help with his extreme lack of impulse con­trol.  But then again, he was prob­a­bly the only inter­est­ing moment in the show.  Pulling a Kanye might make him look like a TOTAL D-BAG but it HE DOES LIVEN UP A SHOW!!

Plus, both Tay­lor Swift and Bey­oncé (whom Kanye thought should have won & is so cool she only needs one name) got to look like truly class acts. 

Not table throw­ing classy, but really gra­cious & beyond awe­some­ness.  Bey­oncé won the big award at the end of the night.  Then let Tay­lor fin­ish her accep­tance speech.  Bey­oncé also per­formed with lasers, take that Pink Floyd.  Any­one who has lasers in her rou­tine is already beyond awe­some­ness add in her abil­ity to be gra­cious and you’ve sold me.

Lady Gaga was prob­a­bly the only other inter­est­ing moment of the night. 

Not sure what her per­for­mance could have been called.  Maybe Avant Garde? Since she did cover her­self in blood at the end of her act.  Her work made me think either it’s so intel­lec­tual that I don’t get it or she’s just nuts. Either way you know it made Madonna wish she was still cool. And it turns out when Lady Gaga won her award she found out that she can­not see (or maybe even breath) through a red lace shroud.  I know, crazy huh?  I would have totally thought a per­son could see & breath through red lace cov­er­ing her face.

Blood Is HOTTT!!

Now I’m going to go and reg­is­ter for my AARP card. Because watch­ing that last night only made me feel OLD. I mean Tay­lor Swift I’m pretty sure was in preschool when I started college.

Tagged as: beyonce, kanye west, lady gaga, madonna, mtv, taylor swift, vma