2010 Reflecting Forward

2009 is nearly over. 2010 is lit­er­ally right around the cor­ner. It feels like this year is com­ing in with less fan­fare than some years past. It doesn’t even have any cool songs, like 1999 had. We got to lis­ten to that going into 1999 and leav­ing it. Although I had the flu going into the 2000 New Year’s so I didn’t really party at all. Unless being curled up in a ball, rock­ing back & forth in pain, and cel­e­brat­ing the New Year with plenty of liq­uids (going in & com­ing out) counts? But I’m guess­ing it doesn’t. At least not the last time I checked. Unless you have some sort of fetish, but that really is a whole dif­fer­ent blog and type of cel­e­bra­tion now isn’t it ?

So now I’m won­der­ing about 2010.

Like, I’m won­der­ing if AI is FINALLY ready to take over the world? I mean come on Arti­fi­cial Intel­li­gence make up your damn mind. Grandma always says “it’s either piss or get off the pot.” If you are going to take over, just DO IT ALREADY!! And put my mind at rest.

But until AI makes up its mind, given it has been SO SLOW it might take a few more years to fig­ure out what its doing, I will just look at where I’ve been this year & where I’m going in the next.

I started writ­ing here over the past year, in June 2009. I just thought it would be cool to have my own space & con­nect with oth­ers who were writ­ing shar­ing their lived expe­ri­ences and takes on the world. It has been both of those things. I’m con­stantly amazed by how cool peo­ple are out there & wel­com­ing the world really is. But when I started writ­ing online what I didn’t plan on was that hav­ing this online space would help me real­ize that as I move for­ward in my life that the path ahead of me is not going to look the way I thought it would. I love writ­ing, I love cre­at­ing, and both of those were def­i­nitely part of what I was doing but now that path has shifted some.

Chas­ing the white rab­bit down into his hole after the birth of my fourth child, hav­ing the expe­ri­ence of going into the look­ing glass and com­ing out the other side has left me a dif­fer­ent per­son or maybe really the same per­son but with a bet­ter under­stand­ing of where I am going and where I’ve been. I AM NOT a per­son who can spend her whole life try­ing to fit her square pegged self into a round peg hole. I don’t want to be that per­son, I don’t want to be a round peg. I don’t look good in round. Round makes me look fat.

And really when I think more about it’s just not healthy or nor­mal to con­tinue on a path that sep­a­rates part of who I am from what I am doing. Per­haps in some ways fin­ish­ing my degree has given me a bit more free­dom to explore other avenues. I don’t have to fol­low the nar­row path of the ivory tower. Life it turns out exists out­side of that world.

My fam­ily and encir­cling my life with theirs is part of who I am, the sep­a­ra­tion of these real­i­ties is not who I am. I don’t need for my choices to look per­fect on paper to some­one else & that’s DAMN FINE THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Round, square, or a freak­ing trape­zoid I do NOT need to jus­tify myself to those who are not truly part of my life. I am blessed to have a hus­band, chil­dren, fam­ily and friends who sup­port me wher­ever the adven­ture goes. With­out them noth­ing else has any true depth of mean­ing to me.

So in 2010 I want my choices, per­fect on paper or not, to be reflec­tive of WHO I AM. It means that I’m going to be explor­ing more of the things I’ve always wanted to and I am excited to con­tinue rekin­dling a deeper aspect of myself that is cre­ative. I’m look­ing for­ward to the future and appre­ci­ate of the past, because with­out it I wouldn’t be ready to make the leap into the New Year.

How about you? What does the New Year mean for you?

Tagged as: 2009, about me, blogging, new year, rabbit hole, review