The New Year starts here with Winter in full swing. The trees outside my house are bare with only the Evergreens holding onto the outward signs of life. Life for the other trees is not visible to others but it is there because it is waiting in the silence of the morning, in the business of the day, and in the soft sounds of night to reveal itself in the Spring.
In many ways the hidden nature of the life to come outside my door expresses what I am feeling. I have a lot of decisions to make. I finished my degree, I have it, & now what? I am not so sure anymore. When I started I assumed I’d go for a Tenure Track position and a Research University. I would publish, attend conferences, and teach. The latter I have done even throughout grad school, I’ve done well, & could still create in this capacity regardless of other decisions I make in my life. Yet, I am not sure anymore if academia is my home & I am not sure if it ever really was. But leaving what I thought would come next is not an easy decision. Like um, there are BILLS. A Ph.D. it turns out doesn’t get you much by itself, minus debt.
So, yea it’s a New Year. One full of possibilities, like every new moment. However, looking forward seems less clear to me. I know there is a new life with its roots in my family ready to reveal itself for me, but I also know that I have to met it 1/2 way. Like the joke my Hubby read the other day in our parish bulletin (which I’ve read/heard done a variety of ways).
A guy named Joe finds himself in dire trouble. His business has gone bust and he’s in serious financial trouble. He’s so desperate that he decides to ask God for help. He begins to pray…
“God, please help me, I’ve lost my business and if I don’t get some money, I’m going to lose my house as well, please let me win the lotto”.
Lotto night comes and somebody else wins it.
Joe again prays…
“God, please let me win the lotto! I’ve lost my business, my house and I’m going to lose my car as well”.
Lotto night comes and Joe still has no luck. Once again, he prays…
“My God, why have you forsaken me?? I’ve lost my business, my house, and my car. My wife and children are starving. I don’t often ask you for help and I have always been a good servant to you. PLEASE just let me win the lotto this one time so I can get my life back in order … ”
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light as the heavens open and Joe is confronted by the voice of GOD himself:
“JOE, MEET ME HALF WAY ON THIS ONE … BUY A FREAKING TICKET!”
I’ve written here before I love the creative outlet of writing, I love to creative, and I love being with my family. But I am not sure how to decide what the next step is supposed to be. I know I can’t sit around thinking it will happen without effort on my part.
Anyone else ever sit on the edge of a big decision like this? How did you figure out what to do? I could some advice as the year before me stretches out.
{ 21 comments… read them below or add one }
Sometimes you need to be patient and let the answer come to you. Don’t be in a rush.
Patience in all areas of life is something I need to still strive toward.
Let your heart and head lead you. You WILL make the choice that you’re supposed to and you’ll know it in time. Good luck!
I think that’s the issue, I tend to be very head focused when really I need to remember to be heart focused too.
The question is, what are your priorities? When we discuss ‘having it all’ there is always some concessions to the ‘have tos’ of life. Bills, time for family and other things that pull us away from our dream are a pain but then again, there is a reason why they are in our path in the first place. Example: I am a psychotherapist. I am now a full time writer. We started our blog to create our writing platform (for some reason, agents don’t consider grant writing an impressive thing). We put our novel writing on hold to write a relationship blog. Along the way we have created a successful blog, created Dysaffirmations (dysfunctional affirmations using paradoxical intentions), written a little Dysaffirmation book, in the process of writing a relationship book with our theories of relationship, picked up a radio hosting gig and do a show on MomTV. All this in less than a year! It is amazing when God has you turn down a path to get you somewhere else and the path itself is amazing! Be patient. Handle your stuff. Be present. There is nothing that says you can’t do it all.
Lee! Thank you for sharing your experiences. I think that’s the thing, the “have to” is part of life & I just need to be present in the moment to balance the “have to” with the “all”
I love that story. It is so true.
May the new year be full of possibilities and opportunities for you.
You too Laura!! Let’s hope the new year brings many great things for us
Start by having fun. The rest will follow.
Yes, fun! Maybe that’s it, I’m being intellectual & taking the fun out of the experiences. It’s the whole “in the moment” issue I have, I struggle to just “be” & maybe this is part of my learning to do so.
Oh sweetie pie…I feel for you. If only we could have just stayed a college student forever huh? I had such a hard time too when I graduated. I just wasn’t sure of what to do and what to choose or what direction to go. It was like I had spent so much time and energy into my degree that when it was time to use it – I froze. But you know…sometimes things really do work themselves out and we don’t have to figure it out ourselves. It has already been figured out for us
Enjoy the journey – you just never know where your path will end up!! (I would have never imagined myself writing a blog! Geeesh!) Oh and you do have a writing gift…you just never know who may read your blog and what opportunities may arise! Smile 
We all luv ya!!
I think it’s made doubly worse in that I was between worlds for so long. Doing grad school while teaching/researching/and the other “stuff”, I’ve tried it but not sure how it fits with me.
The journey is something I need to remember more
LOL! Great joke! I wish all the happiness to you and yours for the new year!
~WM
I know the joke had me in tears when he read it to me. Because it’s so true! It takes some effort on our part.
I wish I did have advice. So all I can say is a wish you luck. Everything works out for the best.
Thanks, even just having the good vibes helps.
This is exactly where I am. 2+ years into a post-doctoral fellowship, and I am not so sure what’s coming next. Hang in there!
It’s the whole academic “thing” & there is SO much pressure to know every step then you get to this point & bam! Even if you knew what you wanted the chances of getting there are very limited. We can join each other in our post-grad school, figuring out what the heck comes next, misery
Sending you positive thoughts! And hope 2010 has great things ahead for you.
Thanks JennyMac! I’m hoping & the same for you
I think that the answer will come to you. There is a whole world out there. What are you most passionate about? How can you fit that into a rewarding career for yourself? Hang in there and it will all work out.
Becca