Do you ever get the feeling you on a journey that is leading you to somewhere but have no idea where? I feel like there’s something around the corner but I am not sure what that is or what the next step should be. Like I’m standing on the edge of going somewhere. I have been trying to figure this out since the start of the year. I still don’t know, which is crazy because I swear a few weeks ago I thought I KNEW.
I feel like there are so many things that are in flux right this minute.
I thought we had figured out school for the kids next year, only to realize we still don’t know what we are going to do. I thought we had a plan of action for getting ahead, only to realize life happens and when it does your plan changes. I thought I was going to be an academic all my life, only to realize moving a family across country in a job market that doesn’t lend itself to helping secure one job let alone two isn’t going to happen.
Oh, Heck!! I thought I’d just now be finding a husband that I’d fall madly in love with & settling down, only to have found him when I was a freshman in college & now I look out over our four beautiful children.
And the list could on from there, but I will spare you ever single “I thought” because you all do have lives and I could really suck you in for days, maybe even weeks with what I thought would happen but hasn’t.
So, um, yea, I thought a lot of things, only to realize that what I had laid out before me is changing but now we’re getting ready to embrace summer soon and STILL I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!!
In fact, now that I think about it nothing has turned out exactly like I’ve ever thought it would & maybe I’ve never known what I’m doing. That’s not a bad thing, I wouldn’t trade the love I have all around me for the world, just leaves me now wondering what’s next?
{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
I think everyone thinks that. I know I thought I would join the Navy and travel the world. Instead I met the love of my life the day after I turned 17 and we have been together since then. I always truly wanted to be a sahm but thought it would never happen because of pcos. God finally blessed us with a son and I get to be his Mom, at home, every day. Does it mean money is great and I have no problems like I thought? Nope. Money is tight and we have to juggle bills but I still wouldn’t trade it for the world or all the money in it. The journey is always different than we imagine but it is half the fun.
@Shana Putnam,
Money is definitely tight here too, but it IS worth it. Even if I have no idea what’s next.
I think life is a constant state of being in flux. It drives me batty because I like to have all my duckies in a row. I’m OCD like that….
I don’t know what I’m doing, either. I’m a SAHM mom with lofty notions of doing something “bigger,” but the reality is what I’m doing (being a mom), is already pretty damn big. I need to respect myself and what I do more….
You are not alone. I can very much relate to your feelings….
I used to think you could plan your life. My life is not anything i expected it to be but i love it. There’s a saying in french: ” life is what happens while you’re planning”
From someone who is a little further along, just know that any decision can be changed, and plans are meant to be broken. One of my favourite quotes, is “You always move towards what you think about” So just make sure you are filling your head with great thoughts and dreams. It may take longer than you expected but looking back you will see the path you created was in fact intentional.
A very familiar post, for many I expect.
Thanks Beth,
Dana
There’s an award waiting for you on my blog.
http://lamammablog.blogspot.com/2010/05/sugar-doll-award.html
Wow! I totally know the feeling! Good luck! I just keep reminding myself that I need to be open to whatever changes that are coming because ultimately God has a plan for us.
Hi! Blogger’s been chewing up my comments, were you able to make it over yesterday to pick up your award? I don’t know if you got my comment yesterday or not.
Thank you!
Shana,
Money is definitely tight here too, but it IS worth it. Even if I have no idea what’s next.
@Alexandra,
I didn’t get the comment, but I got this one
Thank you that’s awesome!
@Joanne @ Barely Domestic Mama,
Yes!! I know there is a plan there, I need to sometimes just relax & accept that I can do my part & trust in Him to do His!
@Alexia,
Thank you
Very nice!!
@Dana @ Bungalow’56,
Thank you! I think I need to remember that it’s the positive that needs to be moved forward, focusing & trusting in the good.
@Imene,
I love that saying. I think it’s very true, life happens while we are planning it. Life doesn’t wait for us.
@erin,
Yea, I probably never am going to get it not in flux. I think it’s the *something is near* feeling that I don’t always have but has been sticking around that’s different right now.
I definitely feel that way. My take on it is that life is a like a road trip. Sometimes there are roadblocks and detours. But, many more times there are beautiful orchards and meadows to be seen and experienced. And, sometimes a detour takes you from the mundane and lands you right in middle of an awe inspiring sight that you didn’t even know existed. All of these moments contribute to a unique life’s journey that progresses one step at a time.
Sounds like life to me.
Just roll with the punches; we all do.