For some reason I thought with the older kids back in school and no longer homeschooling I would have more free time. More time than I could possibly fill and I would never have enough tasks to complete. I told Mike I was worried I would be bored and find myself wandering around with nothing to do. Aimless wandering in a bathrobe, pajamas and fuzzy bunny slippers came to mind, which is odd since I do not own a pair of fuzzy slippers and have never own a pair of fuzzy bunny slippers.
Nonetheless, I was feeling displaced as to what my role is and what I am supposed to be in life. After all I made choices for work and life around the needs of homeschooling the kids and helping them grow as people. In some ways my identity had become “that homeschooling mom with the bunches of kids” and that is exactly how people would greet me “Oh, you are that homeschooling mom with the bunches of kids I saw you guys at Mass on Sunday. How’s it going?” I still had the bunches of kids but a key part of how I was known has changed.
Mike listened to me lament on and on and reminded me that I have never managed to stay empty handed for too long. He rightly predicted I would fill my time up and find myself just as busy as I was before, he even offered to let me organize the storage side of basement if I couldn’t find anything to do on my own (he is such a gentleman that way). Yet, my displacement and worry about too much free time lasted for all of five minutes, maybe six if I am generous. It turns out that with the start of school for myself, several writing projects I am completing (and should really focus more on), research that is underway, and the younger two kids still at home combined with all my daily tasks that keep piling up I am more than busy, I am up to my eye balls in work and that my time is neither free nor empty.
And ya know what? That is a good thing, it is life and if I don’t move with it and embrace the NOW, I won’t be living and instead I will be holding on to what someone else thinks of me versus living who I really am. And that right now is a very happy, very busy, very loved woman.