Lately I feel like I am try­ing to run a marathon but not able to make it to the fin­ish line. I am hit­ting the wall. Or maybe the wall hit me?!

I walk into room after room feel­ing unin­spired {to put it mildly} by what I need to accom­plish. I stare at the piles of papers to sort through, emails that need answered NOW!, and the end­less house­hold tasks that need to be done {yes­ter­day}. But my moti­va­tion isn’t there. Same goes for a mil­lion other things. Carv­ing out time for what I need to get done isn’t what I want to do, even if it is what I need to do. I guess, I just feel burned out again. Ugh, shouldn’t I have fig­ured out how to NOT burn out by now?

I just want to enjoy the time I have with my chil­dren & not worry about all the other things I should be doing. I want to snug­gle in the couch next to my hus­band, enjoy­ing the end of the day. Tak­ing in the quiet after every­one is down the for night. Devote time to write, to cre­ate and to live the moment in all I do. To merely be present. But instead my mind and days rush by.

And part of this is I don’t want to rush out when Mike comes home so I can teach, I don’t want to rush to meet­ing after meet­ing. It is frus­trat­ing, because I do enjoy work but I don’t enjoy the added stresses or way it has been struc­tured. Instead after all these years we are still split-shift par­ent­ing. And I am feel­ing a lit­tle {a lot} stuck in this hold­ing pat­tern for work, fam­ily, life & it isn’t work­ing any more. It just isn’t. Mike com­pletely agrees some­thing needs to change but what, how, when are all hard to define. I know this part of life, and I know some­times we must do what is needed even if unwanted. But it is harder some days than others.

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