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how i met your father

And We Move Again

by beth on August 25, 2010

in marriage

1999

We had decided it was time to move.  Again.

Third time’s the apart­ment charm.

And so we began to look around.  This time we were look­ing to move out­side the City.  We were leav­ing Detroit.

It was bit­ter­sweet.  I was excited to move. I was tired of the lack of gro­cery stores & strange men on our porch.  I was ready for a change & after the whole Alex sit­u­a­tion I no longer felt com­fort­able at my old work.  Turns out Sarah wasn’t fond of me, go fig­ure. Mike was also ready for a change.  He wanted to be able to go for evening walks & not think of where we should or shouldn’t walk.

But at the same time in our excite­ment and readi­ness for some­thing dif­fer­ent we were going to miss the City we met each other in.  The City we shared our first apart­ment in.  The City we started a home in.

After look­ing at about 100 apart­ments I got a call at my new work.  I was work­ing as an opti­cian & it was almost 9.   He told me that he had seen a small apart­ment with two bed­rooms, a base­ment space with laun­dry in it that we’d have free access to.  Plus, it was just over a $100 more than our cur­rent rent, some­thing we could actu­ally afford.

It sounded like a dream.

Espe­cially since all the other places we’d seen had been 1 bed­rooms, with no stor­age, laun­dry was an arm & a leg (first-born for using the dryer) at twice the cost of our cur­rent place.  I think if we had each sold a kid­ney we’d have been golden for those places.

I could go & see it on my way home.  He gave me the num­ber & after I fin­ished talk­ing to him I called.  I was on my way to see the apart­ment within the next 15 minutes.

It was one of two apart­ments on the back of a build­ing being used for the landlord’s real estate busi­ness.  The neigh­bor­hood was quiet but near every­thing.  I walked up the stairs into the apart­ment.  It was small in its lay­out, not as much space as the cur­rent Detroit place but the base­ment area & laun­dry made up for that.  I mean a washer AND a dryer!  And we didn’t have to pay extra for it.  It was included.

It was per­fect.  I told her that I loved it.  Within a month we were moved in.  Lit­tle did we know this was the apart­ment that we’d change & grow in ways that we could only dream of.

[this is part of my “how I met your father” series]

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1999

Fri­day came and went.  Sat­ur­day came and went.  I thought that after telling Mike about what Alex said that maybe it was for noth­ing.  I had opened up this big hole in our life by telling him. But I couldn’t NOT tell him, what hap­pened if Alex showed up?  I’d have to explain that & I had noth­ing to keep secret.

So I told him.  He was uncom­fort­able, but not upset.  He knew where I stood.

Then Sun­day arrived.

The day was almost over, it was late.  I was wait­ing for Mike to come home & the phone rang.  I thought it was him, he was call­ing on his way home.  I answered it.

It wasn’t Mike.

I’m out­side.”

Alex said it so plainly, so mat­ter of fact.  How do chal­lenge a fact when you don’t know what it really means?

I didn’t know what to say.

I’m inside. Guess you know that, since you called me. How come you’re call­ing me?”

Duh, I knew the answer.  Why, why, why do I ask ques­tions that I don’t want to know the answer too.  Hadn’t I learned ANYTHING?!

I’m leav­ing tonight.  Have you thought more about what I said?

I was so quiet, I didn’t want to answer that ques­tion.  My voice felt like it had been sucked from my body.  Why was he wait­ing?  Then for some rea­son I had Richard Marx in my head.  Why does my mind always cre­ate a sound­track to every event.  Seri­ously, this is an ill­ness of some sort. It must be.  I couldn’t focus on what was hap­pen­ing, but there was Casey Kasem play­ing Richard Marx of all peo­ple in my head.  Trust me, Casey even did an intro. Seri­ously, it’s gotta be an ill­ness WHO THINKS LIKE THIS?

Finally I real­ized I had to answer. I mean the song is only so long. And I found my voice.

I am stay­ing here. I’m where I want to be, I love him. I’m happy, I don’t want to leave. I’m sorry Alex, I don’t know what else to really say. I feel bad because you are a really great guy, but I’m not the one.”

He was quiet, then laughed a little.

I guess you know where you want to be then. I hope we could be friends still, maybe catch up when I’m vis­it­ing or whatever.”

Yeah, sure.”

I hope he knows what he has with you.”

I think he does, have a safe trip Alex.”

With that, we both knew that even if we talked again, it wasn’t going to be the same.  Some­times that’s the risk of putting your­self out there, you never know the out­come, but there’s no turn­ing back.

As I got off the phone, I heard Mike’s key in the door.  He was home.  And I was more cer­tain than ever before that my home was with him.

[this is part of my  “how I met your father” series]

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A Cat Has Nine Lives

by beth on July 29, 2010

in marriage

1999

As I sank deeper into my chair, eyes wide but unable to see any­thing clearly I felt like the wind had been knocked out of me.  How could he say the words “feel” & “about you” in the same sen­tence?  I couldn’t find words, I just stared at Alex. Seri­ously, when did it get so hot in here? For­get hold­ing my feet to fire it felt more like a burn­ing flame across my entire being.  I could feel my face becom­ing flushed with the heat of discomfort.

It’s just that I’ve felt for a while like if I was going to leave & not tell you how I felt that I’d regret it so I’m telling you.  I think I’m falling in love you with you.”

Oh, God.  This can not be hap­pen­ing.  It has to be a dream. Plain & sim­ple.  Things like this don’t hap­pen to me. Things like this don’t hap­pen to real peo­ple, they hap­pen in 1980s movies.

The voice in my head was scream­ing: No!!!No!!!No!!! Please, let me wake up.  That’s it, I will just wake up.  My eyes closed for a minute.  When I open them I’ll be awake.

I opened them. Turns out I was always awake.  Damn it!

Alex was intently look­ing at me.  He wasn’t smil­ing, just look­ing. He looked like a man on a mission.

I felt like a woman pinned by real­ity. I can’t do this.  I think I just swal­lowed my heart as it jumped up into my throat only to have “falling in love” push it back down.  Plum­met­ing down to my stom­ach, like the ele­va­tor cable snapped & there was my heart crash­ing down.

Alex, I’m not sure what to really say.  I mean, we don’t really even know each other. It’s not that I don’t think you’re great, you are. But, um, I don’t want to hurt you.”

But before I could fin­ish he cut me off.

I know you’ve said before you love him, but how can you know that you really love him?  How do you know he really loves you? How do you know that it is forever?”

Before I could answer I was again inter­rupted, this time not by Alex.  I heard the restau­rant door open & a voice call out to me.  As light hit his face there stood Mike, smile shin­ing across his face, walk­ing toward us. My mind began to race.  Oh, this isn’t good.  This is bad.  This is very bad.

Alex leaned for­ward & whis­pered  “If you change your mind. I’m leav­ing this week­end.  You can come with me. I will stop by before I go.”

With that he stood up and walked away.

Hey, are you ready to go? Is every­thing OK? You look like you don’t feel well. Did that guy say some­thing to upset you?” Mike asked.

I looked at him & for a sec­ond I thought I didn’t have to say any­thing. I had nine lives.  That semi-truck that just ran me over & backed over me didn’t end me. I had more lives. I could go on to live another day. I could ignore it. I could just ignore every­thing & go home with­out ever telling him what hap­pened.  Like a dream that drifted away upon wak­ing.  But I couldn’t do that.  Alex would show up & what would I do then?

Can I talk to you when we get home?  Or at least not here. I don’t want to talk here anymore.”

Any­more?  Uh, OK.”

He got quiet & looked at me with a con­fused smile.  God, I loved him. I stood up with him, grabbed my things & out we walked into the cool evening breeze.  Together we walked out.  Together.

Know­ing I had to tell him what hap­pened.  Know­ing Alex would show back up.   What was he going to say, what would he do?  Won­der­ing how I ended up here. I felt like I was a walk­ing movie, all I kept think­ing was how John Hughes would have writ­ten this so much bet­ter.  I mean SO much bet­ter.  Because this was just awk­ward, this had no funny lines or witty dia­logue, this was my life.  

[this is part of my  “how I met your father” series–if you love a love story feel free to dive on in]

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Curiosity Killed the Cat

by beth July 21, 2010

1999 After my shifts at the restau­rant I’d sit around with the other servers & bar­tenders chat­ting. I didn’t like leav­ing & going home to an empty apart­ment.  Mike often worked later than my shift ended & I wanted to wait with peo­ple ver­sus wait­ing home alone.  Plus, if I waited then I wouldn’t have […]

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Maybe Vegas?

by beth July 12, 2010

1999 We had a friend who was plan­ning to get mar­ried in Vegas.  We were try­ing to fig­ure out a way to go when the wed­ding came around.   I mean it was VEGAS BABY!!  While talk­ing about going Mike said, straight faced & with all seri­ous­ness, “Why not get mar­ried while we’re there? We’ll elope.” […]

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