I wish getting fit was this easy. Imagine just having the machine shake you into shape. All while you look fabulous!

But really in life there are no short cuts to weight loss.

None.

Real Life Experience:

This past week I lost 2.5 pounds. And I’m telling everyone. Even my mailman. Why? Because I earned them.

I was not seeing any movement on the days I weighed myself and was feeling all “DAMN!! What the freakity freak?!?!” Even though I am trying not live by numbers or watch my scale I do check in on it from time to time. I like knowing there is some progress, the scale is one small indicator. Others are: measurements {I have lost inches consistently}, how clothes fit AND most importantly how I feel. By the way I feel pretty darn good. No, make that: DAMN GOOD!

Still I have a good amount of extra body fat to lose so at some point if the scale is staying the same then something is off.

Three Reasons Why Change Finally Happened!

1) Reminding myself plateaus happen & they have to be worked through. Much like finishing my degree I had to keep at it and not give up when I didn’t feel like I was seeing progress. This about healing me it not a diet plan I am trying on only to discard when I hit a goal weight. Lifestyles are day to day efforts that take in the big picture.

2) Remembering muscle weighs the same amount as fat but is more dense, hence takes up less space than fat. My body has been building more muscle mass. The result was I had a couple weeks of beginning to fit into clothes better & lost inches even while the scale was not moving. I had to focus on the fact that my body was getting healthier even if I didn’t see a weight change. Inches lost are a good thing!

Those first two reasons matter.

Why? Because I believe that without focusing on the overall big picture many people give up making time for themselves. This is about me doing that for myself. Making myself & my health a priority. Healing from the impact that stress, depression and hormone imbalances had on my body & my overall health.

And the third reason is…

3) I started tracking what I eat again. Good news is I saw that I do I eat fairly well and have a good balance of foods to fuel my body. Bad news portion sizes of some items were throwing me off. I did not realize it until I saw the little extras add up and then I was like WHOA! {and feel free to read that whoa! in either a Joey Lawrence or Keanu Reeves voice}. I did not need to cut any of them out, just reduce the size I was having.  I am using the My Fitness Pal App to track. It is a good basic app to get a feel for what is going on and allows me to track food, water & exercise. It also tells me if I am eating too much but also if I am eating too little, which is important because I am breastfeeding Baby Girl and do not want to negatively impact my milk supply.  I lost more this past week than I normally would, I doubt I will have that continue but I will be mindful of it as being able to continue a healthy breastfeeding relationship while losing weight is important to me.

I am trying to heal myself. I know this is not an overnight process. I know my body and my health took some hard hits.  Healing takes time. But in the mean time I will celebrate every small move in the right direction.

**Swear. However, I almost never swear in writing because apparently my ability to realize everything doesn’t need an expletive works better on paper than in daily life. I also should offer the obligatory postscript here of: I don’t do it all the time, I can have conservations were it does not happen. But if I am honest it does happen. {However, if you hear my kid say “Damn that shit!” I will still blame my husband because I can.}

**Can never eat just one potato chip. I am the unfortunate poster child for the motto “can’t eat just one” and my hips don’t lie, I can’t. If you see me hide yo chips, hide yo wife because I will also make her eat an excessive amount of chips as well.

**Gag at bad diapers, wiping other people’s butts and other disgusting bodily functions that kids do {like pick their noses and attempt to eat it}. Yes, I have 5 kids. Yes, I should be over this by now. I’m not. I don’t think anyone ever is. If they are, good for them. It ain’t me. Sorry.

**Have a PhD and watch reality t.v. shows, which have no true redemptive value in their programming. I have no good explanation for this except my repeated claim that it is data collection for sociological research rooted in content analysis on the social construction of social identity in a modern media world. But that is lie. I just like it. A lot. I feel shame but I do it anyway.

**Rant. I talk loudly. And I talk with my hands. So much so that I am sure my Nana smiles down from Heaven at me proud I am her kin by my ability to convey a variety of different emotions with a single gesture.

**Talk fast. Actually, that should be: I talk a lot and I talk fast. I don’t even notice it until I see the look that crosses the other person face and see the eyes glaze over. Along with the look of sheer terror that I might never stop. NEVER. I do stop. For example, I do not talk in my sleep.

**Believe conspiracy theories. Yes, I do. Not all of them but some. After all I’m a sociologist and let’s be real we think everything is a hidden agenda to socialize the human person into a propaganda tool for the military-industrial complex. And I am not a machine!!!

**Am a contradiction because if you met me in public and I was nervous I might do none of the above. Instead, I might seem like I am uncomfortable, not say anything and smile. A lot. Which can lead strangers to think it is OK to tell me about their holidays with their mothers or how their last baby was unplanned or other information that might be a little too much for the grocery line.

Yep. That is part of who I am. Most of which doesn’t make it on here. Not sure why. I guess giant hand motions, while ranting about the Denver Airport conspiracy, doesn’t translate well to blogging. Oh, who I am I kidding it always translates well.

Kidding.

Mostly.

But if we meet in person don’t be afraid I promise I won’t corner you and make you eat potato chips while listening to me talk. A lot.

Instead I might hide out, look awkward and smile excessively.

Or not.

Again I am a contradiction.

I am proud of myself. Why? I have managed to keep up my exercise routine even during the crazy end of semester rush. I have also added more days and more activities. I make myself work for it. Really work for it. Blood, sweat and tears work for it. Minus the blood & tears. Mostly I just sweat. I want to be healthy, not a masochist.

And while it has not been easy to keep with it I make it a priority.  I know I am making myself a priority by doing it and can be a better wife, mother and all around woman by taking care of my body. I really think being doing that, staying committed even during life’s day to day challenges, has helped me a ton.  I truly feel less stressed than I did several months ago.  I also have the benefit of having my clothes fit better, which I must say is always nice.  However, the best part is I feel better in my own skin when I am more active and more like me.  And I like how that feels.

And this blurry picture shot with one hand is a partial view of what I see from the elliptical machine.  Notice my youngest son, he is deciding to “create” with his brothers’ Legos {who as you can guess are always so appreciative of his assistance, haha!}. He usually hangs out with me when I work out. He often says things like “Yay, Mommy!” and claps every now again. Which I must admit is very affirming.

I have added back in drinking green juice {fruit & vegetable juice} on a pretty regular basis lately.  I took a little getting use to when I first tried it but now I love it.  Absolutely love it. As in I feel like Popeye has nothing on me. And I am ready to take on the day after I have my glass. I have also noticed after adding it back in to my regular food routine {versus every now & again} that my skin is starting to look better. I have been dealing with some righteous adult acne, but I swear the juice is helping.

If you haven’t ever tried it. Give it a try. Just do it. You can either make it yourself or you can buy some from the local grocery store. They are pretty popular & sometimes large bulk stores like Costco carry big jugs for way less than the local store. You might find you end up loving it too.

Follow my blog with Bloglovin

For the first time as an adult I bought a nice outfit to wear for Easter.  Mike convinced me to just do it after I spent a week debating if I should.  So I finally did and I ordered three pieces for my outfit online from Land’s End as I have had a good experience with them in the past and really liked these pieces together.  However, since I did order online I am hoping the outfit fits when it arrives!  Online ordering can be so nerve-wracking to me.

Anyway…

The dress is the Cotton Modal Fit and Flare in Regent. I decided to go with cotton because it should be more breathable for the upcoming warmer months. I also really liked that the top is designed as a wrap v-neck that does not appear too low cut, although I do have a camisole I can put on for under if it is or if it exposes more than I would like. I have had disasters in the past with buying tops or dresses that seem like they fit well in the chest only to find as I am wearing them out in public {most recently last year at Baby Girl’s Baptism and the family Christmas party} that when I bend or as I move about more than just in a fitting room setting that the outfits expose more than I would like. As I result I just went and bought some nicer camisoles to put under those outfits and to wear just in case.

I am pairing it with a Fine Gauge Cardigan in the Soft Melon. I like the fact that it is a v-neck style versus the higher cardigan sweater which buttons closer to the neck. The latter tends to make me look even larger on top than I am and the former is a more slimming effect. Plus, I think {hope, pray} it will be a good match for the wrap top of the dress. The color combo also seems very spring with the brighter yet deeper colors.

And then I am adding the Hadley Linen Mid-Wedge Quarter Strap Sandals in Espresso to complete the look. I like that they are not a traditional high heel but a wedge, which is more functional for daily wear for me. Unlike, say, a stiletto. I should be able to mix and match all the pieces with other outfits and also wear them all for work.

How about you? Any new Spring or Easter outfits?

Last weekend when we went to the St. Patrick’s Day parade it was cold and windy. It truly felt like a March day. But I wasn’t going to complain because it is nice to have a feast day {both St. Patrick’s and today St. Joseph’s} in the middle of Lent a little reminder of how we are to be joyous even amid the sacrificial aspect of Lent.

What was unexpected though was this past weekend when St. Patrick’s Day actually arrived it was warm, sunny and felt like June.  I couldn’t believe that in Michigan it was mid-70s when usually we are getting ready for another snowstorm in mid-March.  We are not sitting outside enjoying fresh air and sun sans our coats.

While it was surreal it was perfect for D-man’s birthday!  For real the time is flying by and he is absolutely his own little man.  He doesn’t take anything from nobody but is also the first to try to make everyone laugh. I hope that his tenacious but lovable spirit never leaves him. So yes, D-man is now officially 3!! And we cannot believe it before we know it college.

Speaking of college I have felt so busy lately.  My courses just passed their mid-way point and that means soon I will be wrapping up the semester. I am sure my students are excited to see the end nearing.  I was feeling pretty burned out at the start of the semester but I feel pretty settled now.  It has been a fast but good semester. I have also been working away on some research projects.

I have been trying to get to bed earlier {has helped offset the night-time waking that happens with a teething Baby Girl!}, eat to fuel my body all day {not just with coffee} and make sure to take walks or hop on the elliptical machine.  It has made a difference to keep a regular routine for me. I have been good about it for the kids but sometimes let myself slide to the last on the list or even left off the list totally.  Working to keep myself on the list is good for everyone.

And the three “big” kids have been working hard at learning.  Mamacita is an official reader, making her way steadily through her Little Stories for Little Folks phonics readers. It is wonderful to see her finally clicking with reading, she loves books & now has a new world opened to her own exploration of them.  While she has been growing in leaps and bounds so have her brothers.

Both Mr. J and Mr. G have been growing in their academic and social skills. I was so proud to hear from those who know them how mature and comfortable they both seem now in social situations.  They have always done well with academics, but the ease of social skills is not as natural so hearing how others notice how they are blossoming is reaffirming for us as parents.  It has been a lot of work for my Asperger boys but they have done amazing. Of course everyday isn’t sunshine and roses, but with what kid is it?

Although today is full of a lot of sunshine.  Literally it  just as warm, sunny and gorgeous outside as the weekend was.  So another beautiful day to take the edge off the normally long days of March perfect to celebrate St. Joseph’s day today.  Instead of wearing green, it’s time to break out the red!  Tonight for dinner an Italian pasta dish and leftover birthday cake.  Can’t go wrong with a little of this and a little of that.

Sometimes I will find a foreign film on Tv. When I do I will stop and watch aforementioned foreign film every time if it is a non-English speaking film.

But I must admit that I am not watching for the inter-cultural experience or to broaden my understanding of a foreign language or because I am highly cultured. Instead I watch specifically because they are not in English.

Why?

So, make up my own dialogue. Yes, I am that person.

And I confess usually what I have them say is highly inappropriate for the actual context of the movie.

Most of the time home education and parenting runs somewhat smoothly, it is a dance not without bumps or missteps, but we all move together on the path of learning, creating and growing. And I have even had the occasional day were I sit back and think man this is just like I pictured the perfect day. I secretly hope that is the day someone will pop by and see how wonderful everyone is. No missteps and everyone is flawless. Those days I know the kids are geniuses.

And then.…

There are the other days.

The days when homeschooling or parenting the kids is nothing like a dance, unless it is Elaine’s hot mess dance from Seinfeld. In general on these days it is all harder than herding sugar laden kittens. No let me take that back. Kittens actually move maybe it is harder than herding a sea of snails with ADHD hopped up on pixie sticks who need their next pixie stick fix. Unable to focus, all over the place, leaving a trail of slimy ooze behind them as they vacillate from being slower than slow to being distracted by a shiny object and darting off only to become distracted again.

All the while I look a hot mess. Running around in a pair of yoga pants that I think were once black but now look an odd hue of grey with bleach stains down the one side, in a shirt that has spit up and hair that is piled high on top my head. Oh did I mention the fact that it is afternoon? Not the morning. And I have not showered and there are 3 pencils stuck in my hair visible to everyone but me. While I search frantically for a pencil, because I cannot find one & have forgotten that my hair is a virtual playground for pencils, I yell “WHERE DID MY PENCIL GO?!?”

Yeah, on these days I tell myself that heroes and saints are made. The days I persevere, everyone survives in tact and math facts were tackled even when it would have been easier to think “Who cares if they ever learn math, what is math anyway? Who needs math?” But I don’t given in. Instead a cold sweat break out across my brow picturing them living in the basement at 26 unable to hold a job because it turns out math IS important!! Math makes the world go round & you need math!! To, oh, I don’t know, balance a check book, pay bills, and practice quadratic equations for fun. Ok, maybe not the last part but the first two things for sure.

Then I breathe. Deep breaths. In and out. Gathering my thoughts and realize, I simply need to go with the flow and relax. We will get through and learn all we need to even if the cattle get more restless and need more pit stops on the way. And hey Elaine’s dance may have been a hot mess but dang was it fun. And sometimes you have to dance like you don’t care who is watching.

Random things I am reading on the Internets accompanied by a random picture I took Downtown.

Google’s Freakin’ Me Out Too {A lot of big changes going on. Not all are cool.}

50 Reasons for Breastfeeding Anytime, Anywhere {Because sometimes even after 5 kids I need a breastfeeding pep talk}

Cheddar, Beer and Mustard Pull-Apart Bread {Wonder if Mike would love this?}

Mayim Bialik on Kveller {How could I not adore a fellow PhD homeschooling momma? Plus she was Blossom & is now Amy. Love.}

Amish Porn {Saw this on my Twitter stream. And of course I clicked. But it’s not what you think & totally worth it to check out}

One Saturday late afternoon…

Ring

Ring

“Beth your phone is ringing.”

“Oh, is that mine.”

For a second I thought about not going to see who was calling and letting it go to voice mail. It had been a hard day and I already felt worn out. But instead I reached for my phone and saw that Alice was calling. I answered it.

She sounded tired and frazzled. She sounded like I felt.

Her first words were:

“What are you doing? Do you want to get coffee with me? Please, it has been a really hard day.”

My answer was “Nothing, yes and yes!”

Mike looked at me curiously when I hung up, hearing me say “Sure where should we go?” was probably was a clue that I was thinking of getting out of the house and it wasn’t even dinner time yet. But then I told him the full extent of our conversation, which included more than the coffee & yes. It included the need to share the experiences of mothering with another mom. One who understood what it was like to get dressed in what you thought were clean clothes only to realize after you are in public that your pants have a small dirty hand-print on the back and you didn’t realize it but everyone else does and by the way that chubby kid hand-print is on your butt. Or what it is like to NEVER go to the bathroom without someone intruding, someone asking for food (hello! I am in the bathroom) or someone deciding that is the moment to tear apart your entire living room. Or…well you get the picture!

Mike said he understood when I told him why. After all I am home all day with the kids and my day is one of constant “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” while I try to home educate them, run a home and have some semblance of a career. He is aware that while his work isn’t easy he does get to leave, talk to grown-ups if he so desires, he gets to have quiet bathroom breaks, and he has some sense of peace in his car (no one is shouting while he drives “HE IS LOOKING AT ME!!!” or singing the Phineas and Ferb theme song at the top of their lungs…just sayin’).

So, I got ready and within an hour she and I were sitting there in the cafe drinking our coffee. As we talked about everything under the sun from faith to education to hobbies to our kids we both relaxed more into our chairs and felt recharged. I am sure those around us could see the frazzled mom vibes starting to melt off of us.

At one point while we were talking I told her that I was so happy to have her call. It had been one of THOSE days. The kind where you think maybe if this mothering jig was a reality show it would be “Survivor Island.” And your day is right at the point where someone is going to get voted off this motherhood island and secretly you hope it is you. It is not that you don’t love your kids, because you do. You would give up everything for them and in many cases you do, willingly. Still every momma needs some time to hear herself think! Coffee with a good talk and a mom who has been there was the perfect break.

As she heard me talk about how it was perfect timing her smile got bigger.

Her next words…

“You know what? It is good to know I am not the only one who has days like that and it is good to know I am not alone. I love my kids but today was just a really hard day.”

And you know what?

She was right. As we finished our coffee it was good to know that there was someone else, like me, who had hard days and days where she needed to find space to breathe. It was good to feel like I wasn’t alone.

I am so glad I answered my phone.