One Saturday late afternoon…

Ring

Ring

“Beth your phone is ringing.”

“Oh, is that mine.”

For a second I thought about not going to see who was calling and letting it go to voice mail. It had been a hard day and I already felt worn out. But instead I reached for my phone and saw that Alice was calling. I answered it.

She sounded tired and frazzled. She sounded like I felt.

Her first words were:

“What are you doing? Do you want to get coffee with me? Please, it has been a really hard day.”

My answer was “Nothing, yes and yes!”

Mike looked at me curiously when I hung up, hearing me say “Sure where should we go?” was probably was a clue that I was thinking of getting out of the house and it wasn’t even dinner time yet. But then I told him the full extent of our conversation, which included more than the coffee & yes. It included the need to share the experiences of mothering with another mom. One who understood what it was like to get dressed in what you thought were clean clothes only to realize after you are in public that your pants have a small dirty hand-print on the back and you didn’t realize it but everyone else does and by the way that chubby kid hand-print is on your butt. Or what it is like to NEVER go to the bathroom without someone intruding, someone asking for food (hello! I am in the bathroom) or someone deciding that is the moment to tear apart your entire living room. Or…well you get the picture!

Mike said he understood when I told him why. After all I am home all day with the kids and my day is one of constant “Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!” while I try to home educate them, run a home and have some semblance of a career. He is aware that while his work isn’t easy he does get to leave, talk to grown-ups if he so desires, he gets to have quiet bathroom breaks, and he has some sense of peace in his car (no one is shouting while he drives “HE IS LOOKING AT ME!!!” or singing the Phineas and Ferb theme song at the top of their lungs…just sayin’).

So, I got ready and within an hour she and I were sitting there in the cafe drinking our coffee. As we talked about everything under the sun from faith to education to hobbies to our kids we both relaxed more into our chairs and felt recharged. I am sure those around us could see the frazzled mom vibes starting to melt off of us.

At one point while we were talking I told her that I was so happy to have her call. It had been one of THOSE days. The kind where you think maybe if this mothering jig was a reality show it would be “Survivor Island.” And your day is right at the point where someone is going to get voted off this motherhood island and secretly you hope it is you. It is not that you don’t love your kids, because you do. You would give up everything for them and in many cases you do, willingly. Still every momma needs some time to hear herself think! Coffee with a good talk and a mom who has been there was the perfect break.

As she heard me talk about how it was perfect timing her smile got bigger.

Her next words…

“You know what? It is good to know I am not the only one who has days like that and it is good to know I am not alone. I love my kids but today was just a really hard day.”

And you know what?

She was right. As we finished our coffee it was good to know that there was someone else, like me, who had hard days and days where she needed to find space to breathe. It was good to feel like I wasn’t alone.

I am so glad I answered my phone.

The first 6 months just flew right by us.  I cannot believe she is now 6 months old. Where did the time go! She is starting to scoot everywhere, loves to laugh and she is insanely curious about everything.

My oldest is learning how to sew.  Right now we are starting with a simple stitch with embroidery thread.  A stitch in time.

We took the tree down. Packed everything all away. Well almost everything, we will keep our lights up for a bit and the Nativity will sit out until Candlemas.  Because we rock it old school like that.

And now we are back to our ordinary days & rhythms. The season of settling into enjoying cold days and colder nights. Learning & growing during the day.  Curling up at night with a book which is now in the form of either the old fashioned page turner or on the iPad (Yes, I have gone to the dark side & given into reading books on it) or watching a movie.

And kids running around with laughter echoing everywhere during the joyful chaos of the day.

As mothers we do so much, even in the little things.

That reality of just how much we do and the how no task is without importance is one of the reasons I love this painting of the Polish Madonna and Christ child.

It also reminds me that while my life may not be perfect I am helping to guide my children through life and performing works of mercy everyday as a mother.

When they are thirsty I give them drink. When they are hungry I give them food. When they are in need of comfort or counsel I hold, guide and love them. Even in the midst of the day to day aspects of life between the educating and the laundry, the running around and the quiet moments, that holiness is being cultivated, faith is multiplied and love is never divided.

I have heard you aren’t supposed to expose them to bright lights or feed them after Midnight.  Oh, wait. Was that advice for kids or the Mogwai Gizmo? Hmm…I should probably check on that.

My oldest walked out of the bathroom after showering and changing.  I stopped what I was doing, cup of coffee half way to my mouth, and took a good hard look at him.

“Did you wash your hair?” I asked.

“Yes. I did.” He was looking at me perplexed by my question. After all he just got out of the shower, washing hair as part of the whole washing process is customary.

“Are you sure?”  I asked him again, trying to give him an out, because looking at his hair it was clear something was amiss.

Pray-tell, what was amiss one might ask?

Why, you see the front half of his was surprisingly dry for a kid who JUST finished washing it.  Lightly misted, maybe. But for all intents and purposes it was DRY. That is going to stand out to a momma.

“Um, yah…I washed it.” Was his answer, he wasn’t budging.

“OK, so how did you wash you hair? What soap did you use.”

“I used the shampoo on the side of the tub. I washed it like this {hand raises to demonstrate how}” And then it makes sense.

“Alright, you did great washing the BACK and very top of your head. How about the front?”

There I saw his hand slowly move to the front of his head, eyes getting wider as he moves from wet hair to dry hair {hair that at most was lightly misted from the shower}. And it dawns on him.

“Oh, man I washed it. Just not all of it. But some of it still counts right? I mean I did wash my hair, some hair is still hair, right?”

Ugh, yes and no mister. Yes and no.

I also need more coffee to deal with this.  Lots more coffee.

Lately I feel like I am trying to run a marathon but not able to make it to the finish line. I am hitting the wall. Or maybe the wall hit me?!

I walk into room after room feeling uninspired {to put it mildly} by what I need to accomplish. I stare at the piles of papers to sort through, emails that need answered NOW!, and the endless household tasks that need to be done {yesterday}. But my motivation isn’t there. Same goes for a million other things. Carving out time for what I need to get done isn’t what I want to do, even if it is what I need to do. I guess, I just feel burned out again. Ugh, shouldn’t I have figured out how to NOT burn out by now?

I just want to enjoy the time I have with my children & not worry about all the other things I should be doing. I want to snuggle in the couch next to my husband, enjoying the end of the day. Taking in the quiet after everyone is down the for night. Devote time to write, to create and to live the moment in all I do. To merely be present. But instead my mind and days rush by.

And part of this is I don’t want to rush out when Mike comes home so I can teach, I don’t want to rush to meeting after meeting. It is frustrating, because I do enjoy work but I don’t enjoy the added stresses or way it has been structured. Instead after all these years we are still split-shift parenting. And I am feeling a little {a lot} stuck in this holding pattern for work, family, life & it isn’t working any more. It just isn’t. Mike completely agrees something needs to change but what, how, when are all hard to define. I know this part of life, and I know sometimes we must do what is needed even if unwanted. But it is harder some days than others.

We went on a field trip to Henry Ford Museum.  We had been talking for a while about going this year and we finally made it. I love that place it is an amazing experience as you walk through history and learn about the way we have lived in the United States through our technological artifacts. I remember going as a kid both with school and my parents. The ability to walk through and feel like I was part of times gone past.  I remember vividly every trip there and all the fun that we had.

I am a big believer in trying to provide hands on experiences with learning, from science to history to art and everything in between. The world becomes part of your classroom.  Don’t you remember those field trips or family outings as a kid?  The impression those days allowing you to feel like you were part of the experience and all the fun that goes along with it.

Long before we ever dove into homeschooling hands on learning experiences have always been valued by Mike & I.   He agrees that the impact of being part of the experience through all the senses is a great way to learn and it is something we do throughout the course of our entire lives!  By living learning and learning as a family we get to delve deeper into topics and interests. We are also a house of nerds, which oddly (or not so oddly) enough makes being a House of Sheldon a pretty easy (and often uncomfortable) fit.

However, I must admit it was a little disturbing to see a display case before we left that featured the late 90s!  Yes, the LATE 90s. Not even just the early 90s. But the late 90s!

Especially when the items were dated AFTER Mike & I began to date or AFTER we were engaged. Mike & I were reading the dates and joking that we had some of the items (like pagers) probably in a box somewhere in the basement we could donate. Our kids upon hearing us then beamed with big smiles while shouting with glee:

“WOW, that means you guys are really, really old! You are museum worthy old!”

Um, thanks kids.

Hearing that from your kids gives a whole new meaning to being a part of history!

Sometimes I start to write a status update or response on Facebook then I delete it because I realize I started it 10 minutes ago before my kids interrupted me with some story about “who did what when and with whom” akin to the game Clue. “It was D-man in the basement with a Lego!!” And by the time they stop with their tall tale I no longer remember what my point was and so I delete, delete, delete. 

Oddly enough the same thing can happen in a grocery store and then I’m that woman who walks around knowing there was that one item I didn’t put on my list because I was sure to remember it only to have no idea what I’m supposed to get or even why I am wandering around. Then there is the ever elusive mystery of where I put my keys! It is a wonder I ever finished graduate school let alone function any more.