A while back I posted about how I live in a house of kids who love to read, with my oldest leading the way. In the comments section Tracy asked in the comments HOW you get kids to enjoy reading. I figured I’d write about what we do in our home & the same advice I give my college classes when the subject of children’s education comes up.

Granted some of the desire to read comes down to personality.  Some people just love reading more than others no matter what you do, it’s not a problem just a difference in personality. But hopefully some of these ideas will help if not encourage a love of reading, encourage the understanding of why reading is valuable & can open up an entire world for a child.

1. Read, read & read some more to your children.

Start when they are infants & continue on. Don’t stop once they have developed early reading skills, but continue. Have the books you read together change to reflect the changing ages of your children. Read stories that appeal to a wide age range. Before we made the switch to homeschooling, we would have done this in the evening before end or on a weekend day (often Sunday) as a family. Now we have more freedom in our day to have this happen over breakfast or lunch too.

I have the fondest memories of reading The Hobbit with my father as a kid, my brother curled next to us.  I remember reading a page or two myself every time aloud.  This was excellent reading aloud experience for me.  If you do this with your kids, make sure not to overly nitpick them or expect them to read a lot at one time (maybe they only read a sentence or two, that’s fine! start there & build).  Instead follow their lead, you want your readers (especially your struggling readers) to feel safe in the experience.

2. Engage kids about what they are reading.

When doing a read aloud or if your child is reading on their own ask them questions about what they are reading. When you are reading aloud stop every now and again and ask your kids what they think is happening the story & what might happen next. Talk about the ending of the story & engage them. If they are reading on their own more, ask how their book is going & what is happening to the main characters.  Over dinner is a great time to engage kids about their day, ask about what they are reading too.

3. Let kids choose what they want to read.

Obviously, this deserves a caveat of within what you consider age appropriate & reflecting the moral compass of your worldview. There are some books that might be great books to read but you may find that they are better suited for a more mature child, that’s your call as a parent. However, in general give kids a range of books to choose from.

I don’t ascribe to the “never let them read fluff” mantra. I know there are many people rolling eyes & some great educators who are long gone rolling in their graves at that BUT here’s my reason why: some fluff that is self-chosen can be used positively. It can be used to engage children in basic skills of understanding how story writing occurs (what’s the story line, who is the protagonist, the antagonist, what was the story arc,was there foreshadowing etc…). What might seem like fluff to a parent might be what gets a child interested in reading & can be balanced with less “fluffy” reading pieces.

And if you have a child who likes to read comics, let him/her. Use the comics as a jumping off point for their interests in other areas, if they like the battle of good v. evil find other books that fit this theme.  You can encourage them to create their own comic.

4. Have books in the home.

Have a wide selection of books in the home ranging from fiction to nonfiction.  Kids often love to read about real life events & areas of study (e.g. space, the founding of a nation, cultures around the world).  You may have a child who doesn’t want to curl up and get lost in a fictional story for hours, but you may have one who is interested in ancient cultures or the planets.   So have a selection of books in the home for kids to choose from.  I really like Usborne Encyclopedias for a starting place for nonfiction kid-friendly reading to start from.

Also, many stores sell sets of books relatively cheaply. Have a couple sets in the home. We found a set of classics for children ranging from Alice in Wonderland to Treasure Island. We were able to use these for our reading time as a family & our oldest choose to read all of them himself as well. I can’t state that your kid will decide to just read on his/her own what you have but having it there to read aloud gives more chance for a child to decide to re-read the book on his/her own in the future.

5. Turn the media off.

I’m going to be the first to admit I love my media. Love, love, love it!  Yep, I’m being honest.  We don’t ban media in our home outright. Our kids do watch T.V. & play video games, Mike & I surf the net. However, we do turn off the media for portions of the day, every day. If you have never turned the boob tube off for any period of time or have kids who are use to getting to watch T.V. whenever they’re home I suggest a model to slowly turn it off. Start with a 30 minute break and build from there. During this time don’t make it so kids HAVE to read but just that they choose something to do on their own. You might surprised one day to see them choosing a book to read. And if they complain of being bored, they can always help you clean the house or pull weeds in the yard.

6. You have to read too.

Yes, you also need to read.  Why? Because kids learn through modeling behavior. If they see you read, discuss books & show an interest in books they will pick up on the value of reading. If you never read you can’t expect them to ever do so either. It’s like telling a kid to eat vegetables & whole foods while he/she watches Mom & Dad eat junk food & never touch a vegetable.

We can’t help our kids if we don’t model the behaviors first. Our kids learn so much from us. This doesn’t matter if your child is in a traditional school environment or at home or the age of your child, you are STILL your child’s primary teacher. You may partner up with others but it is you that your child looks to daily.  What you do as a parent has a huge impact on your child!

Finally, check out your local libraries and book stores. Take your kids with you & let them have the full experience of picking a book out.

Please share your own suggestions for helping kids learn to love reading!!

We have had our children in a private Catholic school.  I think it’s why my daughter believes every blanket should cover her head like the Virgin Mary, that & the statues around the house.   It’s a really great place & seriously she looks adorable with the blanket.  However, this year for a variety of reasons we had to make some difficult decisions.  I mean really difficult because it would be easier if we didn’t like the people or the school.  But darn them for being good & likable!  Which is the decision to no longer enroll the kids wasn’t easy, but was a necessary decision.

Part of the process of figuring out what we’d do next has been talking about homeschooling (we also considered other options).   Having had the benefit of teaching kids at the college level who were homeschooled & then both of us being able to meet people who are homeschooling families let us think maybe we could do this.  I mean not a single person seemed like a Children of the Corn extra, instead they all seemed normal.   No one even tried to sacrifice us in some weird cult-like corn ritual.  I know, imagine that?  Instead we met normal people.  Funny, smart & socially comfortable people.

So then we read more about it (not just as a supplement in the summer like we’d been doing but as a way of life), looked at wide range of curriculum, checked the budget again, looked at all sorts of ideas that don’t involve a single curricula & everything else in between.  I was relieved to learn I could remain relaxed & still homeschool, color coding & scheduling every second of the day isn’t me.  Not that I think it doesn’t work for others, but for me I need to feel that there is flex in my day.  The thought of a color coded day laid out that I have to adhere to (even if self-imposed) causes me to break out in hives, the thought of a rhythm in a day is more me & importantly more our family & our kids.

After we  talked about it & really spent a long time discerning it we thought this life of homeschooling seemed like something that would work well for our kids, fit well in our lives, & generally be a good experience for us.  The kids will also still get to see the other kids from the school because it’s part of the parish we belong to & they can participate in different activities there still.

So yea…

We are officially homeschooling our kids this year.

Hold me.

Do you ever get the feeling you on a journey that is leading you to somewhere but have no idea where? I feel like there’s something around the corner but I am not sure what that is or what the next step should be. Like I’m standing on the edge of going somewhere.   I have been trying to figure this out since the start of the year.  I still don’t know, which is crazy because I swear a few weeks ago I thought I KNEW.

I feel like there are so many things that are in flux right this minute.

I thought we had figured out school for the kids next year, only to realize we still don’t know what we are going to do.  I thought we had a plan of action for getting ahead, only to realize life happens and when it does your plan changes.  I thought I was going to be an academic all my life, only to realize moving a family across country in a job market that doesn’t lend itself to helping secure one job let alone two isn’t going to happen.

Oh, Heck!!  I thought I’d just now be finding a husband that I’d fall madly in love with & settling down, only to have found him when I was a freshman in college & now I look out over our four beautiful children.

And the list could on from there, but I will spare you ever single “I thought” because you all do have lives and I could really suck you in for days, maybe even weeks with what I thought would happen but hasn’t.

So, um, yea, I thought a lot of things, only to realize that what I had laid out before me is changing but now we’re getting ready to embrace summer soon and STILL I HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I AM DOING!!

In fact, now that I think about it nothing has turned out exactly like I’ve ever thought it would & maybe I’ve never known what I’m doing.  That’s not a bad thing, I wouldn’t trade the love I have all around me for the world,  just leaves me now wondering what’s next?

I think over the last year with adding another baby to the mix, working what sometimes feels non-stop & with Hubby & I both trying to finish our graduate degrees I’ve realized a few things.  And by the way we both are done now with school! Hubby is an official graduate next month!!!  I’m so proud of him for earning his MBA while working full-time, being present for his family & staying sane.   And so throughout all this craziness there were 5 things or lessons that I realized.

5 lessons on managing family time & work time.

1.  A visual wall calendar.

It turns out that not having a visual calendar to glance up at left us missing appointments, forgetting school schedules and all around losing track of everything that was going on.  We both have calendars in our phones, but having the larger week or month ahead to look at on the wall together allows both of us to see what is coming up & what we need to plan ahead for.  It also makes it easier to see everyone’s schedules, with 6 people in the family & all our other commitments having this is tremendously helpful.  I wish we had this the entire year, we did last year & it was life saver this year we learned the hard way it is still a life saver.

2. Some meal planning.

I’m not one to map out the entire year, month, or even week to the letter with food.  However, having a list of go-to meals that were fast & simple to put together really saved time & money.  Without a loose meal plan we would be left scrambling for something & that often means picking up food that costs more & isn’t as good as homemade.  Even ending up with cereal every night would cost too much & not be as good as homemade.  Having a loose meal plan with a few go-to meals & ideas for the week saved us huge headaches & money.

3. Have adult time as a couple.

We can largely thank family for helping watch the kids to let us out among adults after dark.  Without their help we’d never have that.  But if we didn’t have family we’d have to be more creative to find sitters through the local high school or friends who might have a night a month (even once a month can be a sanity saver) for us to get out.  When we are home we also have time for each other after the kids go to bed, we do this every night, making time for each other.  We spend that time talking about our days, relaxing and just enjoying each others’ company.  Being able to stay connected helped us to face the challenges of the day as a couple & to continue to grow together in love.

4. Have adult time for yourself.

Hard to do but really very necessary.  I found that blogging, reading and getting together once in a while with friends for breakfast (even if baby was along for the ride) helped me to refocus my time.   I focused on what was good & was able to laugh about what might have gone wrong (like say if you leak breast milk all over yourself during a lecture).  My husband had football nights and other times he went out with friends, he also took time to find books he wanted to read.  Even if we didn’t get out for hours on end we found ways to have time for self everyday.  I realized how true it is to say “without some time for you, you can’t give back to anyone else.”

5.  Make the most of family time.

It’s easy when trying to schedule everything & get through the week to forget family time.  We realized that unless this, like adult time & time for self, was a priority we’d end up not spending time with the people we were working so hard to make a living for.  I mean what’s the point in busting your tush to get to the weekend only to spend it zoned out in front of the T.V. not even talking to each other about what you are watching & realizing you wasted the time to be together as a family?  Yes, you are technically “together” but you are not engaged in real family time.  Instead, we wanted real family time the kind where you actually talk to each other & get to know each other.  We planned trips to the library, did errands with kids in tow (even if it was just one of us taking 2 kids, while the other spent time home with the other 2 kids), had game nights, read books together as a family and if we watched T.V. together we made it an event like family movie night or living room camp out with talking.  Making time for family was & is important.

I am sure I will continue to learn more lessons as we figure out how to manage daily life.  Heck, even before kids we had to figure out a lot of things.  Now it’s just with more people!

So, for you all out there, what are your lessons on managing family & work?

Remember it doesn’t matter if you are stay-at-home, work-at-home, work-out-of-the-home or any combination of these things we all work & we are all trying to manage our days!

I love the retro feel of these Disk-it Sticky Notes by Burak Kaynak.  I think my Hubby would love to write his notes on these, given he is an adorable geek.

Also, these sticky notes make me think of my undergrad years when diskettes were still used.  At the same time they do make me feel a little old.

Given my students who are entering college today don’t know what a diskette is, or a floppy disk, or a dot matrix printer.  When did I get so old?

via Burak Kaynak

If you are a student, paying for a course, please for the love of all that is holy in this world open the book.  Open it at least once, even if just to look at the pictures.  The pictures are bright & colorful.  Even if your instructor is not.  You paid for the book, open it.

And as a side note: whatever you do, don’t tell your instructor that “I had a cool party to go to so that’s why I missed class” or anything else along these lines.  Instead read the book, go to class for lecture and prepare yourself. If you don’t show up because you’d rather party don’t tell your instructor because I hate to break it to you she or he does NOT care.   Unless they are invited to said party, keep it to yourself.   It will make everyone happier.

Hubby says D-man is like his mother. I think Hubby is just jealous that I have so many back-up writers to help me, because it’s not just D-man who has my back, but if I need it I can always get the elder children to bust out some mad writing skills. They are my back-ups for blogging & when it comes to prepping my courses. If only Hubby had this type of help. I mean just look, the kid is even ready to answer any important calls as they come in on the old Crackberry. It warms my heart.

Picture Courtesy of Wikimedia-Commons User Túrelio, Creative Commons BY-SA 2.0-de

My first week back for lectures went well.  Every class was full and everyone showed up the first day.  I am positive that’s a record, I mean everyone showing up the first day?  I’ve never heard or seen of such a thing. Usually the third week about 10 people mosey on in & explain they weren’t there for the first 2 weeks because, well, they weren’t there.  No real explanation given, no “I was in a ditch on the side of road unable to get to your class. I swear this class means more than my life.”  Which I know is true I mean how could a college course not mean more than your life?  As if your life, family, & friends are more important than knowing the differences between Durkheim, Marx & Weber.  It’s practical insanity to think those theorists aren’t more important than your Mom.

Another amazing feat of my first week was that I saved a student’s life or at least his vision, hearing & ability to walk.  On the first day I explain the differences between Incompletes, Withdrawing & Dropping the course.  I let the students know “If you just don’t like me, if listening to me speak, seeing me ever again, or being around me makes you want to jab pencils in your eyes & ears while you jump out a first floor window (which is more dangerous than it sounds, you can really hurt your ankle doing that) then you should drop the class.”  Reason being students get their money back & won’t fail the course.  Money matters.

However, when a student in one of the classes actually got up & walked across the room, crossing the entire room in front of everyone upon hearing my words, I knew I had saved my student.  Just think if I hadn’t made that off-handed comment he might have really jabbed pencils in his eyes & ears while jumping out a first floor window.  BUT MY WORDS SAVED HIM.  It’s almost like I’m the Mother Teresa of Academia.

poster available from despair, inc.

The school semester officially starts today for me, meaning I’m back in the classroom lecturing, grading and guiding students. While I love working with students and I love a good discussion about all things sociological, I can state without any hesitation that I do not love the schedule itself. It was set up many years ago after having Mr. J and at the time was seen as temporary, but given Mr. J is going to be seven soon temporary has become a way of life. You see we are split-shift parenting.

We trade off and one of us is pretty much always home. Hubby comes home while dinner is still cooking, we say “I love you” to each other, I list off a few things that I didn’t get the chance to do before leaving between working & caring for the kids, and things that he will do that night, then I leave. I go and teach my courses. I will usually eat dinner when I get home, after the kids are all asleep and Hubby is worn out from his long day at the office and his own “second shift” of work at home.

I am tired of this and so is Hubby. There are lots of pros to this arrangement that we’ve had the ability to benefit from over the years. Primarily cost, we do not have to pay for extensive daycare costs and we love that our children are always with one of us or a close family member or friend on the times when it doesn’t work out to have one of us at home. However, we also want to eat dinner together. The cons of feeling burned out and stretched thin are there as well. Like all family arrangements there are challenges. Some are different than others, but everyone has challenges.

For us, to try to deal with the challenges we’ve come up with a few things that have worked well. We do plan meals ahead of time. We text each other and talk on the phone once a day to just chat. And we make a commitment to have one date night a week at home so we can reconnect, we’ve also made more effort to go out once a month (usually) with the help of my sister-law and in-laws who often help by watching the kids. We plan activities with the children on the weekend as a family, we have our library hour and other activities that we do together with everyone there (obviously we also do a lot with the kids without the parent there). Yet, as a couple and as a family we are craving more time in the evenings and just more time in general that doesn’t feel as if it is stolen time.

So now I’m looking ahead to my four classes this semester and already thinking how much easier the weekends will be. But burnout is here and until we are in a different place with student loans the schedule isn’t going to change a whole lot, in terms of the workload and evening schedule itself.

And that leads me to ask…

Anyone else doing the split-shift out there? How do manage burnout? Even if you aren’t split-shift parents, burnout can still happen, how do you manage it?

It’s been nearly 9 months since D-man joined the family.

In the time since the day we met face to face in the hospital a lot has stayed the same & a lot has changed. One the biggest changes is I am no longer in school. Today I picked up my cap & gown for the formality of graduation, but officially I was done the day I defended. While heading home with D-man in tow & preparing to get the elder children at their various school times I realized that the last part of my writing, getting it ready for defense, took roughly the same amount of time as my pregnancies, 9 months. It involved a lot of sacrifice and hard labor.

Only I don’t have the afterglow of having a baby.

There is nothing to cuddle when you finish a dissertation. Because trust me cuddling a bunch of paper is not as much fun as a new baby. For one paper doesn’t have that new baby smell, that smell you snuggle in closer to get. It’s like breathing in rainbows. And secondly, the paper isn’t warm, with the softest skin that has a soft fuzziness to it as if you wrapped up sunshine in a layer of cotton candy. Instead it’s paper, it is bland & gives you paper cuts if you try to cuddle with it. Not that I have but if I did try to cuddle my dissertation then I’d have this piece of wisdom babies win hands down in the cuddling & rainbows department.